It’s one of those things that feels a bit like a gnat. Mildly plaguing, the thought comes and goes, lazily flits about. It feels easier to just swat it away. Not now, you think.
Let’s not have “that conversation” yet.
But the reality is, now really is the time. If I’ve learned anything in my work with students and their families, it’s that the stress and anxiety around college admission is greatly diminished when there’s intention, when there’s a plan . . . and when there’s open communication.
It’s the procrastination that gets you.
Here’s the truth: It’s on your teen’s mind, too. In fact, my students tell me that college often dominates their thoughts, even when they don’t voice that fact to their parents. And when we can take those unsettling thoughts, the “what ifs” and the “I don’t knows,” and give them some voice and some structure, that’s when the process starts to feel less daunting.
So roll up your sleeves, and let's dive in.
Here are 3 college conversations to have with your teen . . . now:
The Financial Conversation
As a parent, college affordability has likely been on your mind for a while now. But have you broached the subject with your teen? It's critical to get on the same page about your budget and to do it now. Whether you’re a family who’s been able to save for your child’s tuition or you’re a family who’s going to be looking for significant financial aid, it’s crucial that every member understands expectations.
Here’s how:
Together, explore net price calculators. The Higher Education Opportunity Act required that all colleges post net price calculators on their websites to help families better grasp the cost of attending their institution. While no net price calculator is perfect, and indeed some are far better than others, they can help to give you an idea of what you might pay at the institutions that interest your teen.
You can also make a point, as a family, to learn about the variety of aid opportunities available to you, from merit aid to loans to federal need-based aid. Will your student be expected to work during college? Apply for scholarships? Don't wait until the acceptance letters come. This is the time.
The Fit Conversation
If you work with me, have attended any of my webinars, or follow me on Instagram, you know how I feel about applying to “right fit schools.” Students thrive in their college experience when they are matched to a school that meets their unique academic goals, learning needs, social desires . . . the list goes on.
As a parent, you can support the notion that a student thrives in college when they're on their "right fit" campus, and you can reiterate that concept throughout the research and application process.
Here’s how:
Help your teen to understand that there’s only so much in a name. In other words, just because a friend or family member likes (or doesn’t like) a school doesn’t mean your teen will like (or won’t like) the same school. What’s more, focusing too much on name-brand recognition when it comes to colleges can result in overlooking some incredible opportunities at schools with which your teen isn’t familiar. Remember, just because your teen hasn’t heard of a school doesn’t mean that it isn’t a fantastic option. It just means that it’s a school that he needs to research!
The Disappointment Conversation
Let’s face it: Applying to college amounts to nothing less than a roller coaster. Students are bound to experience everything from sheer elation to utter disappointment . . . and everything in between. What’s more, they will likely not be accepted everywhere that they apply. I’ve found though, that with all of the hope and anticipation that’s intricately woven into this process, conversations about potential disappointment are woefully avoided. Parents can support students through these inevitable lows with a little advance planning and a whole lot of compassion.
Here’s how:
Explicitly normalize potential disappointment long before it happens. Help your teen understand that the college admission process isn’t personal and it’s unpredictable; there are no guarantees. Admission decisions say nothing about their worth or their value. Reiterate that message consistently over time. You can also go out of your way to praise your student’s effort often throughout the admission process: when they tackle late nights, revise countless supplemental essays, and tweak their personal statement for what seems like the 85th time.
Here’s to getting rid of that annoying gnat once and for all. I’m rooting for you!
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